Thursday, December 2, 2010

Diary of a Lunatic

A thousand things came to me all the time as waves come one after another. Pain seems to be permanent gesture, relations are so complex that I search everyday a Guru, a scared book, a star to make things easy but does it work? I have no answers. Have you seen guilt ever? It’s so shiny, black, attractive and mysterious in its being; guilt and God are same just the colors of appearance are changed…… they are so dark and mysterious like a deep tunnel which is so uncertain in nature but have all the possibilities, unknown, unexplored….
May be!
Is love inversely proportional to time and distance? Sounds strange but what time and distance have to do with relations. Relations should be permanent, a banyan tree which grows firmer and more supportive as time passes. Isn’t it? But I see relations decay before me just like the spring comes and old leaves grow older, sometimes they fall sometimes they look older and shaggy with new leaves. Does relations decay with time or they grow firmer? What’s the permutation, combination of relations or let’s say,” is there any?” What we look for when we go in a new relation? A new body which has so many deep dark corners to explore? A mystery or a puzzle as a new personality which offers a thrill in solving or decoding it? Osho once said that it was foolish to seek permanency in love. Is it true that every relation has to decay with time, giving place to a new one? There are so many unfulfilled desires and fantasies which are buried deep and then a blow of wind comes and takes away that pile of dust lying on it; suddenly those desires, passions, fantasies start to haunt you in lonely nights, in moments when you are sitting with no one but you. The fall breeze comes and intensify that haunting. Haunting of desires……? Is there any explanation for that? Is there a manner how to behave with them?